have you ever feel at one time you are so stupid and feel so useless and hopeless??...it's happening to me now..yes..right at this moment..this is like the very first time i feel all those negative feels strike at me simultaneously..it's just so hard and suddenly i wanna hide somewhere and run from this world..even i know i can't..and i really feel my heart and brain going to burst out and explode thinking all of this..everything seems so gloomy and i feel very timid to face the world anymore..
what i mean by stupidity?..it is all because of my actions that i've taken before i never think of its consequences..whether i'm going to hurt anybody, going to make others feel difficult cause of me and make others change their impressions on me..honestly, i'm the type of person that feel scared people that i love start to hate me or lost their trust in me..i know..trust is very important in a friendship..no trust in each other..then, things will turn to be so difficult..super difficult..from the bottom of my heart, would say really sorry if i take u guys feelings for granted and lightly..when i feel then i'm not being selfish, it turn to be that i'm the most selfish person ever..that's why i always ask u guys to tell me what i've done wrong..tell me so that i will know what mistakes that i've made and make me more be careful next time not to repeat the same thing..
as for my family..i would like to apologize if i really give a very difficult time to u especially my parents and my sisters..i know they always nagging and scolding coz of my behaviour and irrational attitude yet still support me..seriously i'm super glad to have u guys as my families..the best people that exist in my life..sorry for being so stubborn and always being so self-centered..well, still in the process of being more matured i guess..XD
and for the over-expanses, promise to be more thrifty next time..*i'll try ok*
for my friends..thanks for always be beside me..share the happiness with me..listen to my problem when i got one..one of the best thing that happen in my life..having great friends really are something to be grateful..they coloured my life with their characters..i grow up with them..learn a lot from them..till i realize that every person has different life and the way they lead their life..some full of happiness and love in life and some through difficulties that you never imagine..but we do have our similarities which are to achieve something in life, be somebody, get a better life and live in a happy world..even there's no such thing as forever or happily ever after..but at least we feel the happiness among the love ones, right?..^^
before i end, thanks to those who always be there for me..support me..cherish me..without you guys..i really feel so hopeless and useless..truthfully i love you and sorry as i never show or you never feel it but i tell you now..once i got to know people..it's really hard not to love them i <3 with all my heart as i love all God's creations..i'm a person and you are a person too..so, why must hate each other, right?..that is why, we must be tolerate with each other, to be a better friends and grow up from experience..i made mistakes and you do too..so, what's the difference?..see that?..maybe the different is do u realize it and try to improve or u r not and continue to be egoistic..that's all..
lastly, i'm sorry again to those who i already given hard times on u guys and i will try to improve myself..guide me and i'll be grateful..thanks..^^
Lots of love.......aizamia